“The difficulties of a long distance relationship.”—I know it’s nothing a plane ticket or a car ride couldn’t fix, but God, you don’t understand it unless you’ve been in it, unless you’ve felt it. It’s that feeling that hits your chest when you two finally say good night after listening to each other’s voices for the past few hours, and you’ll wonder why every time you say good night it feels like a good bye. It’s how even though you two just had a wonderful conversation your eyes start to fill up with tears because it’s a bittersweet feeling, because once they hang up, you’re alone again. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally. You’re alone. It’s how a good morning text stands in for a good morning kiss and how a “what are you doing?” replaces hand holding. It’s how you two can’t help but talk about how every moment will be spent when you’re finally together, how a kiss will be more than just a kiss, how a hug is something that will last hours instead of seconds. It’s how you know that once you get to touch their skin it will be like touching the moon, and each little freckle will be your star to wish on, only yours. It’s how you will discover new galaxies in their laugh, how each little scar will be more than that, it will be a story you want to read, so you’ll trace your fingers across them like braille. You think of all this, all day, every day, every moment, even when you two are lost in conversation, you’ll think of it. And that’s the thing that keeps you hanging on, that keeps you going. The promise that every time you see the moon, you’re one step closer to seeing them soon. So you’ll close your weary eyes and dream of them in your arms. Once you awake there will be a message, “Good morning…” and your love shall be awakened again. (via thecarissamaestory)
how i will love you: my hands are shaky so i cannot carry two things at once without risking one of them dropping. i will bring your hot cocoa all the way from the kitchen to the couch before i go back to get my own. you will say, “you’re missing it” but i will watch you blindly take a sip of Nesquik’s magic blend and this to me will be more comforting than all of the explosions of the terrible action movie we’ve dedicated the past half hour to.
how i will love you: with sirens in my teeth that sob about everything. you will ask why i clench my jaw when i sleep, i will tell you that the nightmares are back and they are hunting. i have the ashes of burned forest coursing through my bloodstream. there are days where you will kiss me and you will taste nothing but screams.
how i will love you: i will read aloud your horoscope before mentioning mine. i will only tell you the dreams where you are the main character or if imaginary you and i made out a lot and bought ice cream. i will make you sandwiches, but only if you ask nicely. i will offer you my coat even though it would never fit you and i’m only wearing one layer underneath. i will worry about you, because i worry about everything.
how i will love you: you will not hear from me on the worst nights, because sadness makes my words go silent. you will have to hunt for the evidence that i’m ready to die in fractured unsure sentences that are entirely devoid of light. you will know me for my tidal waves: that i pull back into my ocean entirely before i spill over and ruin everything. i cannot commit you to being my anchor. i will hide from you and think that this is how i save you.
how i will love you: one day i will tell you about where the scars are from and we will count them. there will be a lot more than you can see because not all of my scars are on the outside of me. and if after this you can still kiss me in all honesty, i will tie together universes to bring you whatever you want or need.
how i will love you: my hands will shake and sometimes i will come apart at the seams. you will probably occasionally wonder if the world will end before i stop talking. i will steal all of your comfy clothing. i will try to adopt more plants than you feel comfortable owning. i will occasionally demand silence while i pick a corner and read. i cannot promise i will be perfect or even close to the person that you need. i can only say that when i’m having cake, i will save you the last piece.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”—Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles” (via hqlines)